Serves one hungry hippo.

2 potatoes
1 carrot
1 leek
Any greens available
Handful of mushrooms
Medium onion
Cup of T.V.P (textured vegetable protein)
2 cloves of garlic
Quarter stock cube
Generous tablespoon of tomato puree
Touch of mustard
Parsley
Seasoning

Cube the potatoes and slice the carrot. Add to boiling water and boil for 12 minutes or so until just short of ready.

Slice the leek and add to the TVP and any greens currently available. Add boiling water and simmer for same 12 minutes.

While above are doing their stuff slice the mushrooms and onion and add to an oiled pan. Shuffle while downing some Guinness. After a few minutes add the pulverised garlic and toss some more. And with your third hand make some stock - about half a cup or quarter of a mug - stirring in some puree and mustard. (If IQ is above 70 stock will be prepared at a less hectic juncture!)

Strain and add the TVP and leeks to the pan, douse with the stock and stir. Drain the spuds and carrots and add to the pan and stir in some seasoning and parsley. Cover and simmer for as long as it takes, usually about 5 to 8 minutes. If stock isn't thickening add more tomato puree and boil off the excess fluid in a blind panic stirring franticly so as not to burn the pan.

Serve and eat hot with some HP Sauce and several more Guinness. Leave washing up till the morning. (Which morning can be discussed at pub.)